I have about five year-end blog posts saved that I just cannot finish. So much has happened this year and my mind keeps doing a recap, but always from different angles.
I think about prayers I have prayed for people, prayers that seem for now to remain unanswered. I keep praying. Then I think of all the prayers I've prayed that God has answered the way I had hoped: we moved to a city we love, my Love has come back safely from all his trips--I have been spared that awful phone call that's always in my imagination. He loves his job and has the energy to persue his hobbies, our place in Dallas has sold, we like our apartment, our cars have no problems at the moment, we had a lovely Christmas and Thanksgiving. I do not take these circumstances for granted. God is good, and when He answers my prayers this way, I feel that I understand His plan. But that's a pretty shallow, human perspective.
When I pray for a friend's husband to come back to her, and instead he leaves her with no hope of reconciliation, when I pray for someone to be saved and they die without my ever knowing whether they were, when I pray for someone to be healed and they're not, then I wonder about His plan. But just because I don't understand doesn't mean He isn't good. These things just remind me how limited our perspectives are as human beings. I say that in fear and trembling because I know that there will come times when I will not be able to see His blessings or imagine that I understand His will so easily, and I pray that I'll be able to still say then as now, "God is good."
Only one thing didn't "work out" for me this year in the way I thought it should: I applied to the master's program at UT and was not accepted. I was disappionted, but also kind of relieved. I still feel that this time in my life has been so blessed, and I am excited that the Lord obviously has some other direction for me right now.
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