In Rockport, the little beach town where I grew up, in the summers, I usually had to do schoolwork because I would put off so much of it during the school year that I'd never finish one grade in time to have a real summer. That is, if I wanted to go on to the next grade come fall. (If you don't understand this, you weren't homeschooled.) It was all my own fault of course, I don't know how I got into college. I never was the stereotypical over-achieving homeschooled child. Sorry. No, not really actually, because I just don't do guilt, and besides, I learned so much about being glamorous instead.
Since Rockport is always hot, and nearly always sunny, on "school days" in the spring and summer I would take all of my reading stuff, like history and english, and lay out in the backyard in my scandalous bikini. That bikini was scandalous not only because of its very existence as a bikini, but also because I'd secretly kept it out of one of the hand-me-down bags that passed through our house. Kristin and I got these bags of clothes regularly from a girl in our church who was a little older than us and a lot richer, and hence, cleaned out her entire closet every season. We'd get everything she didn't want or grew out of. The bikini was secret because in those days we would never have been allowed to buy one! Good heavens, no! ("in those days" sounds like I'm ancient, but really, times have just changed at my parent's house.)
But back to the reading, most of my reading of choice, I (sort of) regret to say, was biographies of old movie stars. I got them from our little small-town library. (the one where if you walk in 20 minutes before closing time, you are accosted by the librarians with upset glances and ferocious whispers of, "You don't have time to find a book! You don't have time!" "Come back tomorrow!") I could tell you everything about the lives of Elizabeth Taylor, Marlene Dietrich, Mae West, Vivien Leigh, Katharine Hebpurn, Audrey Hepburn, Shirley Jones, Lucille Ball and Marilyn Monroe. What they thought, and what they did and what they wore and how they lived.
The lipstick, the shoes, the not-fair tiny waists, the gowns, the champagne and romance, and, most of all, their hair. I wanted their hair so much! But straight flat hair, in the humidity of that terribly humid gulf coast, stays quite straight and most flatly flat no matter what you do or how much time it takes. Finish, look in the mirror, count to five and you're back to square one.
In essence, looking back, I was just studying their glamourousness. Every aspect of it I obsessed over. I remember liking history too, especially my 9th grade history book, it was very interesting and I wish I had a copy of it now. It's probably at home somewhere. But I loved that time in my life! Of course, I was a teenager and didn't really like myself, I had straight hair and tons af acne and had "bloomed" way too much, I thought, (the only jeans or bras in the house that fit me were my mother's.) But it was so fun to think and read about those glamour queens and the golden age of Hollywood. I know for a fact that I wore far too much make-up (I would have worn false eyelashes if I had been allowed!) and bleached my hair quite badly, but for all that, I remember being quite happy then.
I am much better at balance now, and actually read academic things sometimes. I love being married, and I love my Steve and our life together. But there is a lot of seriousness that goes on, and I think in a different way than I used to. One friend put it like this, when I asked her if I had changed a lot since I got married. She said, "Well, you used to be a bit more your martini-dripping self." I know what she means. I have not really changed, but my focus has somewhat. But I don't think I should be always stressed about things. It's become almost a habit, and it's my own fault entirely. Steve says I really shouldn't be as worried over things as I am, he wants me to be happy, and sing all the time like I used to when we were dating. So that is good to remember. But also, after 2 years of not quite having the energy to much care what I look like or what I wear to work (which I know isn't everything, and in the grand scheme of things, isn't anything, but all the same, you live your life in your physical self every day) it's refreshing to remember that I used to care, and that it was fun! And I do still care, but I just forgot for a while.
And the champagne-infused, black and white glamour of all the old Hollywood pictures is just uplifting somehow. So, that's what I've been thinking about lately. And so to end, Mae West has some glamourous thoughts about life for us:
~On Love~
Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Love thy neighbor - and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.
Love isn't an emotion or an instinct - it's an art.
~On Being True to Onesself~ (or something--couldn't quite make the right category for these)
Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I speak two languages, Body and English.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
~Just Funny~
When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.
Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.
His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork.
If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.
~On Life in General~
Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
He who hesitates is a damned fool.
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.
To err is human, but it feels divine.
The score never interested me, only the game.
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
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