I think I have not blogged in so long because living alone is mildly depressing to me. Steve's new job in Austin started just a few days after my last post, almost a month ago. We have seen each other at least every weekend since then, but adjusting has been harder than I ever thought it would be.

The depression is something of a shock, since being alone has never been hard for me. In fact, it used to be inspiring, liberating and all sorts of nice things, even since I was married. But living alone, I respond by being totally uninspired. Maybe it's because of my crutches, which make doing things sort of hard, but that just doesn't sound like it would matter to me if I had the inspiration and energy to make something happen. Anything. Piano, sorting out closets, studying German, shopping for wedding shoes, reading, anything.

I think I just need to adjust and then I'll be fine.

how dare you think I'm not busy?

(Not you personally.)

I've been so sick these days that I have forgotten that what I have been waiting for has finally happened: it is now okay to publicly mention that we are moving to Austin! I am so excited I can't stand it! We have a little apartment down town that we will live in until we have had time to get to know the area and find a house.

Anyway, more later. I have been pondering why I should be so sick so often. I do not have children, a stressful job, or a stressful husband. Why am I all the time tired and worn out? It must be something I do to myself. Just an aimless pondering. Although if I could find out, I could fix things.

I rarely sit down. Well, not as much as I could. I even less often sleep late, even though I could almost every day. Once at a family gathering, I commented to a distant relative, " Oh, I would never have been able to be ready for this trip if we had tried to leave before 5 anyway." Or something to that effect. She seemed genuinely shocked when she relied, "Really? What were you busy with?"

What was I busy with? I was rather annoyed at her presuming that I have time on my hands. What am I ever not busy with?

But slowly it dawned on me that, to a sort of, well, for lack of a better word, outsider, my life looks as if it should not be busy at all.

I teach about 13 hours a week or so. A mere fraction of most peoples' work weeks. Add to that coming and going, and keeping the house spotless for the students who come here. Fine.

Dance classes 7 to 8 hours a week. That's by choice, and it only takes up 3 mornings. It's the
only work-out I have, besides the occasional hour on Saturday at the gym with Steve.

Practice? I practice rather inconsistently, several hours a week right now. So, not much.

All I have to worry about is our itty bitty condo and Steve, who is so low-maintenance. Indeed, what could I possibly be busy with?

Well, hmm... I do cook a lot for us, even though I don't have to. Steve is happy with sandwiches or whatever. I probably cook almost as much as I will when we have kids, because I am always making huge pots of something to put in the freezer or something I can pop in the oven the second I get home from teaching.

I do sit down and facebook, sometimes. Not even every day anymore. Probably more days than not, but not for hours on end. And I obviously don't blog terribly regularly.

I don't have any TV shows that I watch regularly. I never watch TV during the day, and only maybe in the evening with Steve. I do talk on the phone a lot to my mother, father, brothers and sisters. A lot. And a few friends I talk to now and then. And laundry and walking the dog and buying groceries. Thinking up, and then locating and buying, music for my students to play. Going places on the weekend to see family. I don't know. Studying my favorite languages semi-regularly. Going to lunch with a friend. Painting a piece of furniture. Reading the occasional book. It just seems that every day goes by and I hardly sit down during it, except to teach.

Of course, it's annoying that people assume otherwise, but I think they just project their un-busy lives on me.

if you're interested

Some days are picture perfect, even if they're simple, or full of un-unique sorts of pleasures. Some days are especially perfect if you forget to mention that you spent part of them teaching.

Today, I wore my new boots, and a fun old ragged-edged striped skirt with a bustle. I wore my pink sunglasses. And, just as a side note, I am enjoying my last month as a redhead. That's another story.

After dinner at the mall with my mom and sister, I came home with a new black Kenneth Cole shirt ($22!), my tummy full of Chinese food, and my neck drenched in Parisian perfume. I didn't practice as much as I should have today, but I did go to an extra ballet class, and when I got home from the mall, I sat down at the piano and a beautiful, old standard sounding sort of imrpov came tumbling out. I felt sort of surrounded and inspired by the perfume, and the music just sort of went with that.

I am currently on the couch wearing socks, (very important) lovely soft jammies and dr. pepper chapstick. Drinking chamomile tea and eating some belated Valentine's chocolate from a student, watching the Olympics.

memoirs of a good day

Today is a new month. I have a new grocery allowance, a new lease on catching up on my Bible study, and I have practiced a million times more than I had the beginning of last month. It was a happy day today. Here is what happened:

I went to the grocery store and got some awesome groceries that we really needed. Now we finally have CEREAL!!!

Our bed got clean sheets on it. (it's always good to have brand new clean sheets, especially when half the usual occupants of your bed are animals!)


Not that having animals is an excuse for changing the sheets, I mean, I would have done it anyway. Is this tmi? Okay, moving on...

I made a TON of rich, good chicken stock.



Well, not really a ton. More like a couple of gallons, actually.

I had tea and chocolate pound cake.

I changed my calendar in the piano room, and taught a little boy who is playing three actual classical pieces and nothing out of method books. Woohoo!! :)

I scrubbed and scrubbed my kitchen. See? Here is my cute little sink area in the process of being cleaned.


I made bread and creamy potato soup, and talked into the night with my husband about possibilities.

new trend/blogging habit

I am suddenly posting a lot more on the fashion blog I have with my sister. :) It was a really dead blog for a really long time, and it's finally not, so go check it out!

Excuse me a moment.

Sometimes, late at night, I just want to say things. I have specific things in my mind that I wish I could say, to people and also just to nobody. So I suppose I'll just say them now. Nobody listen, okay? And if you are listening, these phrases are not about you. Here goes:

1. Why do Dallas moms annoy me when I see that they are SO skinny and well-kept and worked out and made up? It's because it looks like they spend WAY more time on themselves than on anything else in their lives altogether, let alone their kids. But then, when I see obvious "home school" moms, I'm equally annoyed that they seem to think it's a deadly sin to spend any time on their appearances at all. And it's a deadly sin not to have '80s hair.

{Disclaimer: I mean to utterly ignore my audience (supposing I have one) in this post, but I must say that if you're a home school mom and you happen to be reading this, I'm sorry. You are present company, and you're excluded. I've seen all that I can see about what it takes without actually being the mom myself. I've seen my own mother for the past 30 years, 26 of which were spent (and are still being spent homeschooling. My mom is really strong, but I've seen the numerous nervous breakdowns of others who tried what she did. I've seen the denim jumpers, I've seen everything. I know, you don't have time for yourself. I admire you. I get it. I will probably be you someday. I just don't know why on earth so many women, these people with no time at all to claim for their own, can somehow still have '80s hair. I could show you pictures of them by the thousands. But there are nice, well-balanced, pretty moms who wear what they want and don't have cutting edge hair, and they are fine with me. Even pretty ones are fine, or stylish ones, I just, I don't know... there is just that certain kind in Dallas sometimes. Anyway, I'm rambling...}

2. Oh, but I'm supposed to be rambling tonight. Going from point to point, saying non-specific things that require explanation, and then not giving it. Saying things that require being backed up with facts, and then not giving any. Kind of like someone else did tonight. (Today is Wednesday, January 27th.)

3. I am sad because I might not get to go to this once in a lifetime bridal shower in March in San Antonio.

4. I do not require being made to feel better.

5. Oh, you wouldn't be interested, since it's about things you've never thought of and I'm sure you couldn't bear to have a new idea imposed upon your mind.

6. I am excited about life. Something big is about to happen I think... Perhaps it wont, but it might.

7. Why do so few people understand the grammatical structures of their native English? It's highly annoying. I passed a bookstore, a Christian bookstore, which had letters in the window that said, "Let your cup runneth over." Now, I am aware that the 23rd Psalm says, in the King James Version, "My cup runneth over." But if you want to let yours run over, it's a completely different matter, and there is no use for the '-eth' in that case. These days, the suffix '-eth' has been replaced by '-s' or '-es' depending on the word. So, if I said, "Let your cup run over," there would not be an 's' unless I made a mistake and said "Let your cup runs over," which would be ridiculous. I had this figured out before I could read, I'm sure. (I had heard the Psalms in the King James plenty of times by the time I was 7 which, yes, is how old I was when I could finally read.) You see, I've never been the brightest, but isn't this obvious? And I don't have much hope that anyone else understands it. I know my mother and siblings do, but I have tried to explain it to other people and they just stare at me blankly or with thinly veiled boredom. I have seen 'eth' misused hundreds of times, besides that instance. But aside from this problem, there are so many other more pressing and habitual misunderstandings of grammar that I am just no longer disposed to withhold internal judgments on the people who misunderstand. I'm sure they have had ample opportunity to learn.

One time, in a college English class, sentences were written up on the overhead so that we could practice finding and correcting the passive voice. One of the sentences, I quote verbatim, because I have never forgotten, said, "To error is human, to forgive is divine." When my turn came to speak up, I tried to point out that 'error' is a noun, and the verb is 'to err.' Nobody understood or would listen any further, not even the teacher. (I don't think she deserves to be called Professor.) Yes, of course that is mean of me. She was probably so wrapped up in wanting us to understand the passive voice that she thought I was just misunderstanding and not finding it, and missed the point entirely. I hope. But I thought I explained it pretty clearly.

8. Speaking of thinly veiled boredom, I am writing a random story, to post soon. I was inspired by some pictures in Vogue a few months ago.

9. This keyboard on my shiny new black computer feels good to type on.

P.S.

There is finally a new post on the beauty blog today. Go check it out! :)