I couldn't sleep.

After several weeks of living under the crippling burden of sickening news, I give up: God is in charge.

Given my patterns of worrying, I believe that sometimes, in varying degrees of smallness. As a fallen being, it is impossible me to see things as they really are. God's perspective is so vastly different from mine, that I can only see what seems to be. In Isaiah 55, God says,

8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Psalm 33 reinforces the fact that He does exactly as He plans, without letting human devices get in the way.

13 The LORD looks down from heaven;
he sees all the children of man;
14 from where he sits enthroned he looks out
on all the inhabitants of the earth,
15 he who fashions the hearts of them all
and observes all their deeds.
16 The king is not saved by his great army;
a warrior is not delivered by his great strength.
17 The war horse is a false hope for salvation,
and by its great might it cannot rescue.
18 Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear him,
on those who hope in his steadfast love,
19 that he may deliver their soul from death
and keep them alive in famine.

The size of a king's army seems like it would have a lot to do with saving him in battle. But the Lord says it doesn't. He, the Lord, chooses what happens with kings, armies and battles, and every person whose heart He fashioned. Another Psalm says, "Some trust in horses, we trust in the name of the Lord our God. Some trust in chariots, we trust in the name of the Lord our God." Often I live as if so many other things can be trusted in. They can't.

With thoughts and situations more troubling than usual right now, there is nothing I can do but this:

20 Our soul waits for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield.
21 For our heart is glad in him,
because we trust in his holy name.
22 Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us,
even as we hope in you.

It's what I should do all the time.

Isaiah 26 (I can't remember which verse) says, "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." Having my mind "stayed on Him" is really difficult at the moment, but on the other hand, there really isn't anywhere else to go. He's the one in charge of the outcome, and I know He can be trusted. I don't know why horrible things happen, but I'm truly grateful to know the One who does.