Passion is my "thorn in the flesh."

Sometimes I think that, anyway. I have all these subjects and opinions I am passionate about, not the least of which are about theology and politics. Sometimes those two seem to go hand in hand. I am not sure if that is right, but then when I think that my theology should and does affect all of my opinions, then it must be right that it also influences my political leanings. But one has to be careful that it does not go the other way around.

I was asking my husband why I have to know all this, and think all this. Why do I think it logical that the earth is far too large for us to have an effect on it's climate, good or bad? (I feel so alone in that thought, but I know there are just as many scientists who agree with it as those who disagree--maybe more.) Why do I care so much about our Christian heritage as Americans? Why do I so badly want our laws to reflect it? Why do I find it shocking that Christians I know could have voted for such an advocate of infanticide as now sits in the Oval Office. WHY DO I CARE? I hate knowing things.

Sometimes I wish I didn't. My husband says, "Then don't." We talked about how, what if you just voted Republican every chance you got and didn't know the issues, and hence, care? I don't know. For one thing, I don't really care about "republican" or anything else. I wish you could just vote "Christian" and leave it at that. Not that all Christians have the same political views, but it does seem like we are all heading in one direction eventually, and that is Christ-likeness. Won't we all eventually have the same opinions, in the end, when we are like Christ, and all perfected? But then they won't be opinions anymore. Then we will just know.

Opinions. I keep typing that word, and sometimes I mess up and type "onions." Here is a cheesy analogy, but there is sort of a connection there. Opinions are sort of like onions. They come in layers. They're usually strong, it seems, and not necessarily what you would choose to smell, or hear. Sometimes they make other people turn away, go away, or cry. Weird.

But I hate having opinions because I am so tired of the passion that accompanies them. That is why my husband told me to take a break from knowing, or at least listening. I am not sure I can. The passion, I know, takes away energy from me. Sometimes it takes the energy that I would usually use to enjoy life. Part of this is because, somewhere deep down, I must secretly believe that I can control peoples' reactions about my opinions, or change their minds, or make my opinions theirs. Sometimes. But that is not ultimately what I want. But it must be a part of it, sometimes.

So, I have finally acknowledged that I have the opinions, I have the passions, and that since the Lord is in charge of my life, I must have them for a reason. I have felt convicted lately to pray more about everything, and I had never thought really to pray about this. I mean, of course I pray about the causes, and the people they involve, and all that, but I have never simply prayed about my exhausting opinions. But I need the Lord to tell me what is to be done with them. I have tried on my own to harness and use them, and it never goes too well. Things in human hands rarely turn out right, in the grand scheme of things. So I do not want this in my hands alone.

It is not so important, my passion for these things, when compared to the fact that people every day are dying without Christ as their Savior. I have a passion for them too, and maybe that is more where my focus should be. It has definitely taken center stage lately. Anyway, if I have to be this person, the one inside me with no shortage of passionate opinions, I want the Lord to have control. Just one more time, I am remembering that I am not God.