dreams & reality

People keep getting after me to post agian, and I guess the only reason I had not was because time has been moving so fast that I thought I just did. Things have been happening. There have been places to go and people to see, audition pieces to learn, and not much time to catch my breath. I have been trying so hard to be effiecient with my time- and being even remotely efficient takes a lot of thought for me- that even my dreams have been hurried and hectic. I remember trying to use one dream as efficiently as I could.

A few nights ago I dreamed that my grandfather died. A few other things happened in the dream too, but his death was the main thing. It was handled so strangely by the family, I can't even tell how, but I just remember thinking, "This is not how our family usually does things; I think this is a dream." As the dream continued, I became certain I was dreaming. You'll have to forgive that I was not too sad anymore about the death from then on, knowing I would wake up and it would never have happened.

Still in my dream, I ended up randomly at my normal HEB, a good place even in dreams. I thought, "I know I'm dreaming, but in reality we're out of bread, so even though this is a dream, I better get some bread while I'm here, so that when I wake up, I won't have to make another trip to the store."

Back to reality for a second: This dream also happpened the night after I broke one of my favorite bottles of perfume. It smashed so hard on the tile bathroom-cupboard floor that I could not even hear the shattering sound. That put a damper on my day for a while, so that night, when I realized I was dreaming, I also thought, "Since this is a dream, maybe I'll wake up and my perfume won't be broken anymore."

"No," my dream-self said, "That happened while you were still awake." I had to take this chance to try to save my big, pink Ed Hardy Love Kills Slowly, and I said stubbornly back, "But I got bread, even though this was a dream. Let's just say that that bottle broke during the dream, so now it wont be broken." My dream self wouldn't have it.

I always hear that when people have lucid dreams, they use them to try to do something that they would never be able to do in reality, like flying, or kissing someone they secretly love, or punching a teacher or colleague or someone they can't stand. I always thought I would do that too (not so much the kissing one--I don't have to be in a dream to kiss my Love, although I would) but the punching one is especially exciting. I've flown in dreams without knowing I was dreaming before. But no, I did not try to do any special thing, I just wanted to fix something I broke and be more efficient with my day by not going to HEB twice.

When I woke up, I did not have any bread for toast, my grandfather was still alive, and my bathroom still smelled strongly of fruity, pink floral top notes.