oh please.

A conversation I had recently has stuck in the forefront of my thoughts for the last week or so. I mentioned to someone, a person who knows how to play the piano, albeit not a degreed musician, that I have a lot to practice before I can play well enough to audition for graduate school. Probably at least a part-time job's worth of time at the piano for the next few months. And this person did not believe me at all. This person thought I was being too modest. This person thought I was a perfectionist. This person seemed to think I was just saying that to be nice, and actually said they thought I could walk up to UT and play right now, and UT would let me in. (A lovely vote of confidence. I appreciated how it was meant. I mean, she was just being kind. Maybe I just don't get that kind of politeness.) I don't think this person reads my blog, but I feel compelled to say a few things in response, just to clear my head. Those of you who know me well probably already know this:

I am not an overly modest person nor a perfectionist. I leave things when I know they could be better. My sight reading isn't the best, and I only work on it whenever I want to, which is mostly never. I procrastinate. I'm sort of selfish, and sometimes I think rude things. I leave my kitchen, my bedroom, and my thighs alone when they could be much improved. I'd rather be happy than perfect. As a pianist, I've never had very solid technique, and while that worries me a bit, I don't do much about it. And my modesty goes as follows: I can naturally play by ear. I think most things I cook are delicious. I think I am rather musical. I think I am pretty well-rounded. I think I have a gift for learning languages. I think I'm a pretty nice person. I think I interpret Chopin way better than a lot of other pianists. I think I'm a pretty good catch for my husband. I think I'm tolerably pretty and have a mostly spot-on sense of style. And I think it will be a hell of a lot of work for me to get into graduate school.

Thank you.