20 January 2009

seasons

I am officially at the end of about seven weekends in a row that have been filled, respectively, with Christmas shopping, Christmas and New Years parties, recitals, house-guests, and wonderful visits with friends and family. All of that is the sort of thing that makes life special and memorable, well, not Christmas shopping, necessarily, but the friends and family part especially. I have had such a wonderful time.

We had several parties, an awesome choir concert, and my recitals before Christmas. And we had the most lovely Christmas time down in Houston with Steve's family, cooking Christmas dinner all together, and just hanging out, and making gingerbread houses! After Christmas, parts of my family were here with us each weekend, and since they live so far away, we were especially happy that they could come. :) Kristin, who I hope will get to move here someday, and Stephen, who got to come twice and is so interesting and artistic, and such fun to have in town, and my parents, who had never had the chance to come up here since we got married! I got to show mom my favorite cupcake shop, we shopped for clothes for all the girls at the Harrold's going-out-of-business sale, and we took dad to our gym to swim laps and sit in the hot tub together, and he swam a mile!! We got to take them to our favorite restaurants, and they got to see our tall skinny house, and what we have been doing with it.

So, this past weekend was the last of the "holidays" for us. There are seasons for things, I guess. We have just had a nice long season of seeing people and celebrating. And we loved it and wouldn't have traded it for anything. But I am also glad now to have a season of rest, and simpler things, more lonely things. Like sunsets and warm baths and cups of tea and reading. And not so much talking. But practicing, yes. I am going to need to put in a lot of hours if my one little Chopin etude is going to be playable by spring, not to mention Bartok and Bach and my other things I'm working on. Not that I don't enjoy family and friends, but I feel ("...like butter, spread over too much bread.") such a compulsion to be alone and not visit with anyone for a while. I just want to think.

About languages, about Steve, about finally making my own clothes--that is going to start soon. About really practicing again, about having ideas again, about our new president. I do not know why his color is such a big deal to the media. Color should not matter. I know, it used to, and that was wrong, so now it's a big deal that it didn't matter. But it is such a big deal that it doesn't, that it does. Or seems to. To some people. But I'm rambling. I guess that's allowed--it's my blog, afterall. What else would I do? There's my nod to Inauguration Day. It is a new season in our country as well. Every president's inauguration is historic and special. I congratulate President Obama, and our new First Lady and their little girls. The rest is for another post...

The bottom line is, I am exhausted and glad for a time of rest. So if I do not communicate very much with anyone in the next month or so, forgive me. I must take a break. :)

05 January 2009

figuring things out

Around new year's time, I do not usually feel much newness. I seem to think it's just another day, the only thing making it different is the number on the calendar. I don't set goals or try to ask anything more of myself for the coming year or anything like that. I know that I'm supposed to, and I might make resolutions just in case they come true, but I've never felt new. Part of that might be because of have super high expectations of what "new" might feel like, but I really never feel that into it. I always want to and usually sort of pretend to be into new year's resolutions and all that, but I'm just not, as a general rule.

Well, this New Year's Day, I expected to feel the same old cynical, anti-resolutions-because-I-won't-keep-them-anyway-and-it's-just-another-day attitude, but instead, I felt a weight off my shoulders, a fresh sort of feeling, with more energy than I have had in ages, which still is not saying much, by the way. But it is something. Anyway, so for the first time in years, I made new year's resolutions. So I thought that deserved a blog post.

Here's the first: I decided to stop being so concerned about pleasing everybody! I think I mostly please them all without trying anyway, but typically, in the event that I can't please quite everyone, I feel so wildly stressed and unhappy. I never thought I was a "people pleaser" type, but my husband has patiently proven to me that I am. I am determined to stop, so here is my new motto:

I am not going to try to please everyone anymore. They will simply have to find another way to be happy, one that does not involve me. I am not going to do it.

Now, that might sound a little selfish, on the one hand, because how mean of me not to care if people are happy, and conceited on the other, to suppose that anyone was depending on me for happiness anyhow. Well, about the first hand, people are responsible for their own contentment. I have to be responsible for my own, and no one else's. So that alright. And about the second hand: I am sure nobody is depending on me quite how I think, but it is really refreshing to be able to believe that I am not responsible for their reactions to me in any case.

I don't mean that I don't care about people, and their states of happiness, and I don't mean that I would not do what I could to help someone be happy. And I know that we are our brother's keeper and all that. But I felt an unhealthy responsibility to do everything that anyone wanted me to do, even if it was not in my power to do it, hence all the stress. I am rid of that now, and I feel so much better, just weightless!

The rest of my resolutions sort of flowed out of the freedom that gave me:

To do what I want in the mornings, before work, instead of feeling bad about all this free time because most other people can't have the mornings and early afternoons off the way I do. So, I am going to...

~sleep til 10 more often if I feel I need it
~ride my orange bicycle a lot more
~paint if I feel like it
~dance if I feel like it
~study a foreign language if I feel like it
~keep my closet gorgeous enough to go shopping in
~practice singing if I want
~read every day, my Bible and other things
~make clothes when I am inspired to do so
~study Arthurian legend
~cook if I feel like it
~see friends if I feel like it
and practice whether I feel like it or not.

Of course, there are chores and other things that come up, but being more relaxed about things means it will all get done and be okay.

Happy New Year!

08 December 2008

Christmas and Victory

As I read through Revelation again, I always hear my dad's voice at every word, because he read it to us so often as children. Every verse is familiar and expected and comforting because of that. And it puts me into my memories, dad reading by the closet light coming through the open closet door in Kristin's and my room as we went to sleep. Or being sick, and sleeping on the old couch on our old sun-porch, now the dining room, and having dad read to me then. And the time we read it backwards. Not literally backwards, but starting with chapter 22 and ending with chapter 1. Daddy reading Revelation was one of my favorite things ever.

I know Revelation is not typically one of the traditional Christmas readings, but reading it this time around, right when the Christmas season is coming, I have just been thinking about the connection. Christmas is about Jesus. Revelation is about the end times. Or sometime when the tribulation is or was, depending on your point of view and what kind of "-millenialist" you are. I have tired of trying to figure that out.

But Revelation has such a full description of Jesus. A physical description. Jesus came at Christmas as a baby, and I love that and all that it means and why He came. But we do not get to know what He looked like then. I guess that was not the point. Certainly not. But I am so, so glad that, for some reason, He chose to allow John to see Him and write down what He looked like in Revelation 1.

"...one like the son of man, clothed with a long robe and with a golden sash around his chest. The hairs of his head were white like wool, as white as snow. His eyes were like a flame of fire, his feet like burnished bronze, refined in a furnace, and his voice like the roar of many waters. In his right hand he held seven stars, from his mouth came a sharp two-edged sword, and his face was like the sun shining in full strength." (v. 13-16)

That He was "like the son of man" means that He looked human at that point, so that John could see Him, maybe? I am not sure. And with a weapon, the sharp sword. And eyes like flames, and feet looking strong and brilliant: a warrior. He sounds like a warrior to me. Not someone meek and mild, as the world sometimes thinks of Him. I know that He is meek, and that He is a lamb, the Lamb of God, but this is a picture of a strong warrior with a cause to fight for. I have not thought carefully through His meekness and strength going together since a long time ago when we studied it together at home. But I know they do. His power and authority and His ultimate victory over wickedness and all that is not true cannot contradict His meekness and patience and love.

But I am so very glad, in the face of all that is evil in our world, that He is strong. That He has a sword! He is our Shepherd, but He is a fighting, Warrior-Shepherd-King. I love that! A baby, at Christmas time, would grow up to be this for us. I have never thought of it quite like this before, but we cannot have Christmas without Easter. The Word became flesh, and He had to become a baby, so in that sense of course we celebrate the birth aspect of it, but if He had not grown up to be our King and Hero and Savior, all that would not matter.

So, as I am getting prepared for Christmas, and thinking about the greatest gift of all, I am in awe and just speechless at how beautiful it is that He follows through. That He is not just a baby, or a pacifist sort of shepherd-figure, but a Warrior-King who will be a Shepherd to His people. He is the one true knight in shining armour.

"Then I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse! The one sitting on it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he judges and makes war. His eyes are like a flame of fire, and on his head are many diadems..." Rev. 19:11 &12

"He will tend His flock like a Shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young." Isaiah 40:11

And we know that He will win, because God says to Him, "I will make your enemies a footstool for your feet." Ps 110:1 & Heb. 1

16 October 2008

kings and queens and acorns

Fall is my favorite season ever. Autumn, actually. That is a prettier word to use. I love it because of the coolness, pumpkins and acorns, and I love it when leaves fly at my windshield while I am driving. Driving in some nice cloudy weather, and suddenly you are going through a tunnel of blowing, flying leaves. Swirly, mingle-y leaves...

I was thrilled the first time that happened to me. I never realized it was possible until I lived in Dallas. In Rockport, most of the trees are the kingly live oaks which, while they have the best trunks ever, for climbing, or drawing, or for staring at and imagining spooky or medieval fairytale things, they do not have the best leaves. Their leaves are so small and heavy that they fall almost without floating at all! And they don't fall in Autumn, they fall in April, when the new leaves have already grown in.

Anyway, yesterday I found an acorn. Still nice and green, like the ones Kristin and I used to gather at home from the live oaks. I picked it up and took it with me in my purse. I love acorns very much. Isn't it amazing how God thought to make acorns the way they are, seeds that are big enough to find on the ground and admire, or play with, or fill a bucket with or have fights with! (How was that for a lot of prepositions?) And the best thing about acorns is their name.

Acorn has always been one of my top favorite words for as long as I can remember. I realize that some people do not think about favorite words that much, so it might be strange that I do. But it is really fun, and the words you like can make you so happy! I am disappointed that "acorn" reminds me of voter fraud at present, but Steve says that will pass in a few weeks. Oh whatever! Go look it up, if you want. I am listening to a book on the lives of the kings and queens of England and I am peacefully reminded that politics has always been this way and am happy that our God has the real power, aren't you? I don't know what acorns were called in the garden of Eden, or what they are called in any other languages, but in this rare case I am entirely satisfied with only knowing the english. Acorn, acorn, acorn! We might have an acorn-shaped cookie cutter...

I know I have not posted in forever. I have had a very busy October, but I am learning not to be such a mama bear about my time, and that is very freeing! I am off to a babyshower tour of Texas this weekend, but after that, I think I will not too busy for a few weeks.

21 September 2008

glory, pumpkins, Eeyore and love

Alright, so I have been trying and trying to post this weekend. I have had so many lovely thoughts, but every time I try to blog, I just end up leaving it as a draft. I have too many thoughts, especially about C. S. Lewis. So here's just a little piece of all the things I was trying to write.

Saturday morning was cool and nice, so I took my tea set (with tea and cream and sugar in it!) outside and had tea on a blanket under a grove of trees. I was finishing C. S. Lewis's The Weight of Glory. I love, love, love how stunning the end is, and how realistic and honest Lewis is, even while he is tying together such lofty, lovely, scary thoughts. I cannot say all that it made me think, and you'll have to read it yourself if you really want to know about it, but here is one quote from the essay that always brings me out of myself and back to reality:

"There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations---these are mortal, and their life to ours is as the life of a gnat. It is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit..."

On a different note, Steve and I have bought a huge pumpkin! It looks just like it came right out of a coloring book--it is such a perfect shape, and so orange, and has such a properly curving stem. It makes me so happy. I am going to make lots of pumpkin foods this fall. I have already been looking for recipes, and I found a soup, a pudding, and a stuffed pumpkin recipe that all sound very good and not too hard. :) I can't wait!

Today Steve went out to run some errands (he sometimes goes to Dillard's when they have a sale in the really tall men's dept.) Anyway, he came home with, among other things, seersucker shorts (this is too many parentheses, but I have to say, he loves seersucker, which I find quite funny) AND he also had a very non-Dillard's-looking bag. It was actually a bag from the Disney Store. He told me to open it, and inside was Eeyore! He got me an Eeyore stuffed animal for a surprise, and I thought it was just the sweetest thing ever. My very soft Eeyore is at the moment sitting on top of my very wonderful, great big pumpkin which, under the circumstances, looks even more coloring-book-ish.

What other random things have been on my mind? Well, we have again been very busy and I am thinking of taking a sort of break from "extracurricular" (I guess I mean extra-marriage, but that's not a word) activities in October, so that is something sort of nice. I am happy I got to have tea outside, but mostly I am so amazed and happy that I have married such a wonderful guy who buys me Eeyore stuffed animals and who, by his own admission, knows how much it means to me to have curly hair. Of course there are other more important reasons I love him, but wow. :)

14 September 2008

fresh night air

I know. Fresh, cool night air is not supposed to be happening in Texas yet. It's only September, but we sort of got a cool front last night, and it has been lovely all day. Steve and I went for our first walk in months tonight! It felt so good! We took George around the pond. Since the moon was full I was looking at the sky the whole time, and the clouds were funny and cotton-y and clumpy, in a wide group that moved slowly towards the moon. Those clouds reminded me of nets, some sort of cotton-ish nets that probably don't even exist, but they could. Anyway, I was reminded of nets for some reason, and then I thought,

"Nets of silver and gold have we!" cried Winkin, Blinkin and Nod.

Daddy used to read us that poem all the time. I am sure most of my siblings can quote it almost by heart also. I tried tonight and remembered most of it, and Steve humored me and listened as we walked under the moon. So I just felt like posting it. Here:

Winkin, Blinkin and Nod

Winkin, Blinkin and Nod one night, sailed off in a wooden shoe.
Sailed on a river of crystal light, into a sea of dew.
"Where are you going, and what do you wish?" the old moon asked the three.
"We've come to fish for the herring fish that live in this beautiful sea!
Nets of silver and gold have we," said Winkin, Blinkin and Nod.

~~~

The old moon laughted and sang a song as they rocked in the wooden shoe,
And the wind that sped them all night long ruffled the waves of dew.
Now, the little stars were the herring fish that lived in that beautiful sea.
"Cast your nets wherever you wish! Never afeared are we!"
So cried the stars to the fishermen three, Winkin, Blinkin and Nod.

~~~~

All night long their nets they threw to the stars in the twinkling foam,
'Til down from the skies came the wooden shoe, bringing the fishermen home.
'Twas all so pretty a sail it seemed as if it could not be,
And some folks say 'twas a dream they'd dreamed of sailing that beautiful sea.
But I shall name you the fishermen three, Winkin, Blinkin and Nod.

~~~

Now Winkin and Blinkin are two little eyes, and Nod is a little head,
And the wooden shoe that sailed the skies is a wee one's trundle bed.
So shut your eyes while Daddy sings of the wonderful sights that be,
And you shall see those beautiful things as you sail on the misty sea
Where the old moon rocked the fishermen three, Winkin, Blinkin and Nod.



I love it. I am not sure if some of the words are wrong or not, and I looked it up online, but couldn't find out who wrote it. I'm sure I just didn't look very hard, and I found it on a few websites and blogs, but some of the words that those people used were not as I remembered it, so I just wrote it the way I remembered it best, right or not. :)

08 September 2008

Support Corn~Kits!!

I love corn-kits. I had never heard of them until we decided to switch churches and found a new one. There is a factory in Denton on the way to church. Just after you round a corner covered in beautiful trees, it rises above you with no other sign but great big red light-up letters on top that say,

morrison's
CORN-KITS

I love it. At first I just thought it was a kind of random factory, and what's a corn-kit?? But seeing it every Sunday, I have started to love it, and I think about it a lot because it's funny, if you think about it. Here is a picture of it that Steve made into my desktop wallpaper without being asked. (Isn't he so sweet?)



The name "corn-kits" does not offer much of an explanation as to what the product might be, which is my favorite thing about it. Is it a kit to grow corn? A just-add-water type of thing that makes actual corn, like canned corn or something? How about one of those capsules you can put in water, and it turns into a sponge shaped like corn? Or maybe one of those cast iron muffin tin sort of dishes that you can bake corn muffins in and they come out shaped like little corns-on-the-cob! (I tried to buy one of those pans at Walmart today, but I guess they're only on walmart.com...I got a sparkly gold folder instead. I'm sure I'll find something to put in it...) But I don't suppose that the factory cares whether or not the name on top of it explains the product. It's not like someone will see it and think, "Lets go in and buy one of those." (Well, I did of course, but the building is obviously a factory, so you wouldn't think to shop there.)

Anyway, Corn-Kits are actually little packets of cornbread/corn muffin mix. Steve and I got some from Kroger and made them for dinner tonight. And I'm not really sure why I say "support corn-kits" except that I really, really like the phonetic sound of the word support when it's next to the corn-kits combination. So, support Corn-Kits! Incidentally, when you go around the corner coming up to the corn-kits factory, it would be fun to say, "one, Two, thrEE, CORN-KITS!!!!" Not that I ever do that. :)