I don't know who (if anyone) reads this blog, and I don't know if those who do will find this at all relevant, but I am going to say it anyway.
I have always had many friends and acquaintances, all of whom are very involved in their work, their churches, their children's activities, their friends lives and their families. It seems that most people I know have these many areas where they spend time and energy. These same people seem to have relatively clean houses and food in their refrigerators, from what I have seen. They seem to have the time to shower and make themselves presentable before they do most of the things that they do. They seem mostly peaceful, only sometimes hectic and too busy.
Why is it that I, who stay at home with my children all day and have idyllic picnics in the yard and clean my kitchen or do other chores while I watch them play outside; I, who only am involved in church enough to show up on Sunday mornings, why do I find it so difficult to find the time or energy for anything else? Our trips to the library or children's museum are few and far between. I don not often do "playdates" with other moms, because then when would I do dishes, or go to the grocery store, shower, clean out my daughter's outgrown clothes from her drawers, or do whatever else I need to do in the mornings before naptime? Why do weekly commitments scare me to death with their threats of taking over my life?
Perhaps that is over-dramatic. But my one weekly commitment is church on Sundays, and that seems to be all the structure I can handle. Anything more, and I feel overly tied-down. My time and energy only seem to carry me through the very basic activities of a week where we have no plans or obligations. When I try to explain this to friends, they have asked if I am depressed or need help. Is this normal? Am I doing something wrong that is making me have no time or energy for anyone but my own family? How do other people have time to have weekly play dates and regular trips to the library, and volunteer at church and everything else they do?
03 May 2015
23 April 2015
The more time goes by, the more I am learning to be happy with life being a process, instead of some stagnant state of "perfection" dreamed up by my vanity. Some processes I am focused on right now are my house (and possible garden), my wardrobe (making it minimal, functional and interesting to me), makeup (always), making music and of course my lively littles (wardrobing them, picnicking with and otherwise parenting them.)
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It seems I write a blog post about every two years now. That seems to be about how often I have actual thoughts these days. The truth is, the last few years have been a tiring time of having babies and moving to a couple of different places. Now that we are settled in our 1970's house, which I hope to slowly renovate/decorate, I think I would like to share my thoughts and projects again. And typing feels good on my fingers.
Have a great weekend!
It seems I write a blog post about every two years now. That seems to be about how often I have actual thoughts these days. The truth is, the last few years have been a tiring time of having babies and moving to a couple of different places. Now that we are settled in our 1970's house, which I hope to slowly renovate/decorate, I think I would like to share my thoughts and projects again. And typing feels good on my fingers.
Have a great weekend!
25 April 2013
This is not a very happy post for my first one back in a really long time. But today my heart was broken a little bit more than it ever has been, and I needed to write about it. This post is not for the faint of heart; I am going to be brutally honest about my feelings and what I saw. On the other hand, maybe you've had all these thoughts and feelings, too. It might even seem trite to some.
I've followed the on-going Kermit Gosnell case at a safe distance meaning, I know about it and feel the horror of it, and of the media refusing to make it national news, but I cannot bring myself to always read what does come out about it, because of how sickening the whole thing is. I do read some, because I feel that the babies who were killed deserve to be known about and remembered. I avoid the more graphic things because I already feel sick at the vague, foggy idea of ending a baby's life, without the graphic details that I can all too easily imagine.
Today is the day that I saw a too-graphic picture and got sucked in. I looked at their faces, their cold, little unnamed faces lying in the trash. I saw the close-up of the neck wound that killed them after they were born alive. I read that one mother watched while her baby was killed that way. I am sure it was the most shocking and wrenching moment of her life. I am sure nobody told her an abortion would be like that. I am sure she was told it would be safe and harmless, and that she was only having a mass of tissue removed. Her baby, like the others, turned out to be a real baby, and struggled to survive until the cruel moment when the nurse ended it's little life. On it's birth-day.
The torture that must drive any woman to abort her baby must be nothing compared to the torture afterwards, especially for that mother I read about. The hurt I felt just reading about it was so overwhelming, and I have not walked in her shoes or had the life she had that must have made her feel that there was no other option for her baby.
The babies, though. I could not go on with my day after seeing their little bodies and faces and realizing, not for the first time, but somehow more painfully than usual, that they had no names, nobody knew who they were, ever. I could only sit on the living room floor sobbing for them, that they had such a terrible end when they should have been welcomed, named, warmed and bathed and loved. One baby boy looked so cold and lonely, especially. I couldn't think how to get up off the floor and stop crying for him, for all of them.
Finally I just asked God if he would fix it. He is God, who else could you ask? Who else would know what to do? I don't know what He'll do, but I do know that He is planning to do something. Someday He will put everything right. (See the whole book of Isaiah.) I find comfort in knowing that he is so kind that he even notices when a sparrow falls out of the sky, (Matthew 10:29) that he puts each one of our tears in a bottle. (Psalm 56:8) I guess he also puts each of those babies' tears into their own little bottle, too.
I saw this picture of my little baby boy, and I wanted all of the aborted babies to just be taken care of like he is in this picture- soft, warm, relaxed, comforted and loved- all of the things that they're not when they die.
But then I thought that actually, God loves them. He loves them all the time. He is much more heart-broken about their deaths than I could ever be, and I think that after they die, as cruel as that is, that He takes them and warms them, and gives them their own name that only He knows, and has known from before the beginning of time. (Revelation 2:17-- I'm not sure if that verse can be applied here, but maybe it can.) And He knows them, He knows who they are and who they were meant to be. Maybe He even gives them birthday parties. I do not have Scriptural basis for that last one, but for most of these ideas, I think there is.
I know there are many other tragedies in the world, and many hearts more broken than mine. This one hit me today even though it is something that I've cared about my whole life, and I just needed to share it. I do pray for everyone involved in the atrocity of abortion, from those who carry it out, to those who are hurt by it, to those who are trying to help.
I've followed the on-going Kermit Gosnell case at a safe distance meaning, I know about it and feel the horror of it, and of the media refusing to make it national news, but I cannot bring myself to always read what does come out about it, because of how sickening the whole thing is. I do read some, because I feel that the babies who were killed deserve to be known about and remembered. I avoid the more graphic things because I already feel sick at the vague, foggy idea of ending a baby's life, without the graphic details that I can all too easily imagine.
Today is the day that I saw a too-graphic picture and got sucked in. I looked at their faces, their cold, little unnamed faces lying in the trash. I saw the close-up of the neck wound that killed them after they were born alive. I read that one mother watched while her baby was killed that way. I am sure it was the most shocking and wrenching moment of her life. I am sure nobody told her an abortion would be like that. I am sure she was told it would be safe and harmless, and that she was only having a mass of tissue removed. Her baby, like the others, turned out to be a real baby, and struggled to survive until the cruel moment when the nurse ended it's little life. On it's birth-day.
The torture that must drive any woman to abort her baby must be nothing compared to the torture afterwards, especially for that mother I read about. The hurt I felt just reading about it was so overwhelming, and I have not walked in her shoes or had the life she had that must have made her feel that there was no other option for her baby.
The babies, though. I could not go on with my day after seeing their little bodies and faces and realizing, not for the first time, but somehow more painfully than usual, that they had no names, nobody knew who they were, ever. I could only sit on the living room floor sobbing for them, that they had such a terrible end when they should have been welcomed, named, warmed and bathed and loved. One baby boy looked so cold and lonely, especially. I couldn't think how to get up off the floor and stop crying for him, for all of them.
Finally I just asked God if he would fix it. He is God, who else could you ask? Who else would know what to do? I don't know what He'll do, but I do know that He is planning to do something. Someday He will put everything right. (See the whole book of Isaiah.) I find comfort in knowing that he is so kind that he even notices when a sparrow falls out of the sky, (Matthew 10:29) that he puts each one of our tears in a bottle. (Psalm 56:8) I guess he also puts each of those babies' tears into their own little bottle, too.
I saw this picture of my little baby boy, and I wanted all of the aborted babies to just be taken care of like he is in this picture- soft, warm, relaxed, comforted and loved- all of the things that they're not when they die.
But then I thought that actually, God loves them. He loves them all the time. He is much more heart-broken about their deaths than I could ever be, and I think that after they die, as cruel as that is, that He takes them and warms them, and gives them their own name that only He knows, and has known from before the beginning of time. (Revelation 2:17-- I'm not sure if that verse can be applied here, but maybe it can.) And He knows them, He knows who they are and who they were meant to be. Maybe He even gives them birthday parties. I do not have Scriptural basis for that last one, but for most of these ideas, I think there is.
I know there are many other tragedies in the world, and many hearts more broken than mine. This one hit me today even though it is something that I've cared about my whole life, and I just needed to share it. I do pray for everyone involved in the atrocity of abortion, from those who carry it out, to those who are hurt by it, to those who are trying to help.
18 September 2012
perfection = soap and cake
It is a perfect, cloudy fall day of soap- and cake-making. What could be better?
(I have always been obsessed with these cakes for the bazaar in Disney's Pollyanna.)
When I was pregnant with Alexander, I fell in love with the smell of soaps and cleaning supplies of every kind, an obsession that has not entirely left me now that he is 9 months old.
Today I made homemade laundry soap, two gallons of it! It is the easiest thing in the world, and costs one cent per load! My favorite moment by far, in all of the soap-smelling and stirring, (neither of which is really required by the recipe) was grating the bar of ivory soap with a cheese grater. The lovely sensation, the slippery ease and the pile of soap shavings, along with the increased soapy smell did my heart good.
I would have taken pictures, but in the moment, I forgot. Well, I did take one boring one, but the pile of soap shavings was already dissolved, so how much fun is that?
I also found this post about making cakes like the ones in Disney's 1960 Pollyanna. I will try to take pictures when I make that.
(I have always been obsessed with these cakes for the bazaar in Disney's Pollyanna.)
When I was pregnant with Alexander, I fell in love with the smell of soaps and cleaning supplies of every kind, an obsession that has not entirely left me now that he is 9 months old.
Today I made homemade laundry soap, two gallons of it! It is the easiest thing in the world, and costs one cent per load! My favorite moment by far, in all of the soap-smelling and stirring, (neither of which is really required by the recipe) was grating the bar of ivory soap with a cheese grater. The lovely sensation, the slippery ease and the pile of soap shavings, along with the increased soapy smell did my heart good.
I would have taken pictures, but in the moment, I forgot. Well, I did take one boring one, but the pile of soap shavings was already dissolved, so how much fun is that?
I also found this post about making cakes like the ones in Disney's 1960 Pollyanna. I will try to take pictures when I make that.
07 June 2012
It's a wonderful day when...
This morning we ate breakfast with my Mamma. She had a meeting in San Antonio yesterday and had to come see Alexander, who hadn't seen his Gigi since he was 3 months old!!! They were both so excited!
During a long nap, (not my own, just to clarify) I potted some sweet potato vine for the front porch, and generally cleaned up the yard.
We walked the library where we saw a book about goblins.
We had a good music time together.
Today was completely overcast almost all day long.
We went to Walmart and bought chocolates and a bikini.
And Steve and I had our first really good talk in a while.
Not every day is perfect, but some days are.
During a long nap, (not my own, just to clarify) I potted some sweet potato vine for the front porch, and generally cleaned up the yard.
We walked the library where we saw a book about goblins.
We had a good music time together.
Today was completely overcast almost all day long.
We went to Walmart and bought chocolates and a bikini.
And Steve and I had our first really good talk in a while.
Not every day is perfect, but some days are.
04 June 2012
23 May 2012
I can hardly eat muffins in an agitated manner, can I?
Mmmmm. Butter London paintnolish. :)
One of the best things about Glamorous Thursday was that I was able to ignore the impossible mess around me and just enjoy my day with Alexander and his blessed smiles and naps.
A robe from a thrift store might not seem the most glamorous thing to be wearing all day, but it is when the tag says two special words: Neiman Marcus. And I any day where you see the word "vogue", no matter where, becomes a little less mundane.
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Oh, here's the mess. A small part of it, only. I guess I thought it was glamorous too. It sort of is, isn't it?
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19 March 2012
In case anyone's listening...
It's odd how I don't at all mind certain pictures of myself now that I distinctly remember hating at the time they were taken. That gives me hope for the ones taken this past week/weekend in Rockport...
I'm still thinking about blogging, and reading everyone else's blog, I just never do it these days. I will soon...
Alexander smiles like you wouldn't believe, and he has a sweet little, actually rather big dimple on his left cheek. He does a huge wide open laughing smile, but I like his happy little gummy smile the best.
And my hair is dark brown and I have bangs now. I'm re-reading the Emily books with great satisfaction not to be jealous anymore at every mention of her dark hair and pale skin. And we've had quite enough road trips for one 3-month-long little lifetime so far!
Cheers til later!
I'm still thinking about blogging, and reading everyone else's blog, I just never do it these days. I will soon...
Alexander smiles like you wouldn't believe, and he has a sweet little, actually rather big dimple on his left cheek. He does a huge wide open laughing smile, but I like his happy little gummy smile the best.
And my hair is dark brown and I have bangs now. I'm re-reading the Emily books with great satisfaction not to be jealous anymore at every mention of her dark hair and pale skin. And we've had quite enough road trips for one 3-month-long little lifetime so far!
Cheers til later!
14 February 2012
Today
I had a rather glamourous Thursday a while back, and I was going to tell you about it. I even took pictures. I'll tell you about it next time.
Today I cleaned, swept and mopped our dining room for the first time since Alexander was born!! (Sanna came over and did it right before Christmas, but this is the first attention it has had from me.) I can't tell you the billowing piles of dog hair I've been stepping over for WEEKS!
I made a gargantuan triple recipe of this chicken chili: some for us, some for our freezer, and some for a family at Steve's work who just had a baby.
I went to mom's group at church. Before I left, I needed to nurse Alexander and also really wanted to take a little bath, and thought that Alexander could stand a bath too, since he hadn't had one since Saturday. So I did all three of those things at the same time! It didn't quite go much faster than doing them each separately though. Apparently Alexander doesn't nurse well in the tub because he is obsessed with looking at the faucet. It doesn't have to be running, it just has to be there, and then he looks at it. Every time.
Since I was out, I went to Taco Bell and ordered a mexican pizza in the drive-through, only to realize that my credit card was at home in the dryer. No junk food today!
I nursed Alexander a bunch of times, and he loved it.
Steve came home from work and ate chicken chili with me and then did the dishes while I fed Alexander.
It was a really good day.
Today I cleaned, swept and mopped our dining room for the first time since Alexander was born!! (Sanna came over and did it right before Christmas, but this is the first attention it has had from me.) I can't tell you the billowing piles of dog hair I've been stepping over for WEEKS!
I made a gargantuan triple recipe of this chicken chili: some for us, some for our freezer, and some for a family at Steve's work who just had a baby.
I went to mom's group at church. Before I left, I needed to nurse Alexander and also really wanted to take a little bath, and thought that Alexander could stand a bath too, since he hadn't had one since Saturday. So I did all three of those things at the same time! It didn't quite go much faster than doing them each separately though. Apparently Alexander doesn't nurse well in the tub because he is obsessed with looking at the faucet. It doesn't have to be running, it just has to be there, and then he looks at it. Every time.
Since I was out, I went to Taco Bell and ordered a mexican pizza in the drive-through, only to realize that my credit card was at home in the dryer. No junk food today!
I nursed Alexander a bunch of times, and he loved it.
Steve came home from work and ate chicken chili with me and then did the dishes while I fed Alexander.
It was a really good day.
09 January 2012
How hard is my life?
Alexander nurses for 2 hours every time he nurses. My nipples feel like they're being hammered through with red hot nails every time he nurses. And when he nurses shorter, I'm in a horrible, stressful dilemma of whether to pump, or see if he needs more milk right now. My emotions are all messed up and I miss my husband when he's at work almost to the point where I can't function.
I was just texting with one of my sisters who's reading a diary of someone who was on the Oregon trail. She had her first baby in a covered wagon at the age of 16. Like many other women, she probably got pregnant again right away and was that way all during the many months hard journey. And then, when the journey ended, life was probably still pretty much just as hard. Those women didn't have hot baths, or perfume bottles surrounding them to make them happy, and all they had to put on their excruciatingly sore nipples was a probably literally starving baby. No tea, no hot chocolate, no bottle for their husband to feed to their baby when they were too tired.
My life is really easy and when I think about these women, I think I can handle this.
I was just texting with one of my sisters who's reading a diary of someone who was on the Oregon trail. She had her first baby in a covered wagon at the age of 16. Like many other women, she probably got pregnant again right away and was that way all during the many months hard journey. And then, when the journey ended, life was probably still pretty much just as hard. Those women didn't have hot baths, or perfume bottles surrounding them to make them happy, and all they had to put on their excruciatingly sore nipples was a probably literally starving baby. No tea, no hot chocolate, no bottle for their husband to feed to their baby when they were too tired.
My life is really easy and when I think about these women, I think I can handle this.
29 December 2011
Alexander Jake Hansen
Born Monday, December 5 at 3:56pm
9lbs, 9oz
21 1/2 inches long
After birth he spent many hours awake and looking intently at everyone. When he does that he has the same little frown-y face his mother had when she was a baby. (It's so funny to see! He looked at me like that right when he came out and they handed him to me!)
His favorite music is the John Rutter Christmas album. He calms right down when he hears it, no matter what is wrong. I'm thrilled for him to hear and enjoy so many well-crafted suspensions so early in life!
Everyone is doing well and the birth story will follow eventually. (after the nursing story gets worked out!)
02 December 2011
a date on the calendar
Today is my due date! :)
I never realized how silly I thought it was for a doctor to pick a due date until last Wednesday, when my doctor told me that we'd be doing a sonogram at my next appointment to check fluids and the baby's safety, since it will then be past my due date. If you're going to check on my baby, why not do it this week, today, while I'm here? It just seems so primitive to be so bound to a date on the calendar like that, especially when you're a highly trained, experienced doctor with astounding research and technology in your brain and at your fingertips. And you're hung up on a calendar date?
With all the knowledge available in modern medicine, it amazes me that they still actually assign specific days as due dates to expectant mothers, since one thing they do know is that they can't accurately predict when labor will start for anybody! Maybe they assign dates because it makes it easier to pigeon-hole you into a category of some kind. As far as I'm concerned, my "due date" is between the middle of November and the middle of December, and that's all anyone really knows.
So then, since about the week before Thanksgiving, I've been trying to stay ready, with a clean house and bags (sort of) packed and all that. The Christmas tree is up, the baby's room is all finished, the cloth diapers are all set up and ready, my mind is all peaceful about labor now and, the biggest relief of all, as of yesterday George is so clean that I don't have to follow her from room to room with a strongly scented candle anymore to cover up her smell.
I finally chose the baby's going home outfit, which was kind of hard for me. I was glad it was hard, it sort of assured me that I'm still me, even just shy of 200 pounds now, not wearing anything but sweats (me?!) and going through ten different personalities a day. Here's his outfit:
I am totally obsessed with the pears!! It's from a Japanese company called Sckoon Organics.
Anyway, I'm not sure if this is a boring post or not. Too many words, not enough pictures, probably. Here is quick cell phone picture of our Christmas tree from where I sit. (No, I'm not moving to get a better angle, you'll just have to know that I have moccasins and a TV. And that it's all wonderful and GRAY outside today!!!)
That's all for today! My brother is coming over to do yoga with me and hang out, and then tomorrow I'm getting a pedicure at a fancy pink place with some of my sisters. Have a great weekend!
I never realized how silly I thought it was for a doctor to pick a due date until last Wednesday, when my doctor told me that we'd be doing a sonogram at my next appointment to check fluids and the baby's safety, since it will then be past my due date. If you're going to check on my baby, why not do it this week, today, while I'm here? It just seems so primitive to be so bound to a date on the calendar like that, especially when you're a highly trained, experienced doctor with astounding research and technology in your brain and at your fingertips. And you're hung up on a calendar date?
With all the knowledge available in modern medicine, it amazes me that they still actually assign specific days as due dates to expectant mothers, since one thing they do know is that they can't accurately predict when labor will start for anybody! Maybe they assign dates because it makes it easier to pigeon-hole you into a category of some kind. As far as I'm concerned, my "due date" is between the middle of November and the middle of December, and that's all anyone really knows.
So then, since about the week before Thanksgiving, I've been trying to stay ready, with a clean house and bags (sort of) packed and all that. The Christmas tree is up, the baby's room is all finished, the cloth diapers are all set up and ready, my mind is all peaceful about labor now and, the biggest relief of all, as of yesterday George is so clean that I don't have to follow her from room to room with a strongly scented candle anymore to cover up her smell.
I finally chose the baby's going home outfit, which was kind of hard for me. I was glad it was hard, it sort of assured me that I'm still me, even just shy of 200 pounds now, not wearing anything but sweats (me?!) and going through ten different personalities a day. Here's his outfit:
I am totally obsessed with the pears!! It's from a Japanese company called Sckoon Organics.
Anyway, I'm not sure if this is a boring post or not. Too many words, not enough pictures, probably. Here is quick cell phone picture of our Christmas tree from where I sit. (No, I'm not moving to get a better angle, you'll just have to know that I have moccasins and a TV. And that it's all wonderful and GRAY outside today!!!)
That's all for today! My brother is coming over to do yoga with me and hang out, and then tomorrow I'm getting a pedicure at a fancy pink place with some of my sisters. Have a great weekend!
07 November 2011
A tale of two rooms
I wish I had taken more before pictures, but you all know what junk and boxes look like. Yesterday I started out with two very junky, box-filled rooms and ended with two functional rooms instead. (Actually, I also started the day with a gross kitchen, (full of flies to boot, thanks to the heater fixer leaving the door open so much) and ended with it perfectly scrubbed and mopped for the first time in ages. And don't even ask me about the dog hair I swept up! But this isn't about that...)
I think this is the beginning of my being able to relax. I suddenly realized that if I've been tense and stressed the whole time leading up to labor, how will I suddenly be able to turn that off and have a relatively non-stressed labor? Sounds like a miracle anyway, but since I'm going to try for it, I realized that all this tension about projects is going to make it impossible! So, yeah... Relaxing, even with a few chores left, is starting NOW.
It's not quite finished, but here are some shots of the baby's room at this point.
The crib is mostly full of birthing class books and clothes that need to be washed and sorted, and I decided to leave the stack of suitcases since I needed a little table to have by the chair while I'm nursing.
Still waiting on one last piece of furniture for the corner over here,
but right now as I type, that piece of furniture looks like this:
Oh, and those things above the changing table are these sort of airy balloons made out of starched yarn. A friend from college threw me a baby shower and she made like 50 of them as decorations! I love them! Here's a better look:
You're not surprised that my baby's room has a piano in it, are you? The wall over it is going to be covered with the letters of the alphabet, all decorated differently by each of my Dallas shower guests! I like my big stack of music next to the toy shelf. Of course, that probably wont last there once he is old enough to be interested in it!
And on the toy shelf there is a special little toy that Aunt Amy brought back from Spain. It's a real carousel that spins and everything!
Wish the picture were better quality, but you get the idea. It's really beautiful and so old-fashioned!
I really like the dresser top, with the tiny little plant. (it's real!)
And finally, the office. Still not very pretty, but you could barely walk in there before yesterday and there was no bookshelf, just books all over the floor!
At long last I have a little sewing and craft corner in the office, which means, aside from work space, I have an actual place to put my sewing and craft STUFF!
Everything you see on those shelves was holding up the baby's room from looking neat and tidy.
So yeah, that's what I did with the extra hour yesterday. Thanks for listening!!
I think this is the beginning of my being able to relax. I suddenly realized that if I've been tense and stressed the whole time leading up to labor, how will I suddenly be able to turn that off and have a relatively non-stressed labor? Sounds like a miracle anyway, but since I'm going to try for it, I realized that all this tension about projects is going to make it impossible! So, yeah... Relaxing, even with a few chores left, is starting NOW.
It's not quite finished, but here are some shots of the baby's room at this point.
The crib is mostly full of birthing class books and clothes that need to be washed and sorted, and I decided to leave the stack of suitcases since I needed a little table to have by the chair while I'm nursing.Still waiting on one last piece of furniture for the corner over here,
but right now as I type, that piece of furniture looks like this:
Oh, and those things above the changing table are these sort of airy balloons made out of starched yarn. A friend from college threw me a baby shower and she made like 50 of them as decorations! I love them! Here's a better look:
You're not surprised that my baby's room has a piano in it, are you? The wall over it is going to be covered with the letters of the alphabet, all decorated differently by each of my Dallas shower guests! I like my big stack of music next to the toy shelf. Of course, that probably wont last there once he is old enough to be interested in it!And on the toy shelf there is a special little toy that Aunt Amy brought back from Spain. It's a real carousel that spins and everything!
Wish the picture were better quality, but you get the idea. It's really beautiful and so old-fashioned!
I really like the dresser top, with the tiny little plant. (it's real!)
And finally, the office. Still not very pretty, but you could barely walk in there before yesterday and there was no bookshelf, just books all over the floor!
At long last I have a little sewing and craft corner in the office, which means, aside from work space, I have an actual place to put my sewing and craft STUFF!
Everything you see on those shelves was holding up the baby's room from looking neat and tidy.
So yeah, that's what I did with the extra hour yesterday. Thanks for listening!!
24 October 2011
Where did I ever get the energy?
"To give truth to him who loves it not is only to give him more multiplied reasons for misinterpretation." ~George McDonald
It's such a relief to just stop talking when you realize the person you're talking to isn't interested in the truth about anything.
I was afraid that if I stopped making the effort to share, I would change and become completely superficial. Being superficial scares me to death. I thought that sharing truth and myself was all that kept me from becoming that way. But it turns out I'm still the same. Nothing at all has changed. Only now I am free to stop caring what they think, and to stop talking.
It's such a relief to just stop talking when you realize the person you're talking to isn't interested in the truth about anything.
I was afraid that if I stopped making the effort to share, I would change and become completely superficial. Being superficial scares me to death. I thought that sharing truth and myself was all that kept me from becoming that way. But it turns out I'm still the same. Nothing at all has changed. Only now I am free to stop caring what they think, and to stop talking.
17 October 2011
it's October!
We have about 7 weeks until the due date! There are still so many projects to be done, not to mention practicing, and all the family commitments we've stocked up to do "before the baby comes," that sometimes I just lie in bed all day, completely exhausted and overwhelmed. Some days I have all the energy in the world, but most days I can only eat and sleep and rest while dishes pile up and fluffs of dog hair waft around the house and the list gets longer.
But, October is the best month ever, I love it so much. I almost like it better than Christmas! My projects may not be happening, but this weekend we went to a pumpkin patch and took pictures together. Those are still on the camera (surely you weren't expecting to see them!) but here are some cell phone pics of the lovely pumpkins we got! Picking them out with my Love made me so happy!!
This one seemed magical:
Here are the others--I couldn't believe we got a white one! In person it is such a delicate, glowing white that it seems like it's made of moonlight.
Settled in their new home:
Speaking of the front porch, I got the most wonderful rag rug to go right inside the front door.
It looks and feels as if it's been made out of old t-shirts, and the colors are just what the living room needed. I thought Steve might not like it, but he did!
Here are my pumpkins riding home in my lap from the pumpkin patch. It seemed like my tummy was one of them.
Happy October!!
05 October 2011
Clock
Feeling under the weather this week, I decided to stay in bed today, and while I did, I listened to Sense and Sensibility on librivox.org (version 3 has an un-annoying reader!)and finished a clock I had started working on years ago. It was a normal old one that I bought at walmart when I was 15 or something; it was similar to this one:
I painted the hands with gold metallic paint, covered the face with magazine pictures, (that's the part that took years, because I only choose pictures that I'm really in love with!) and brushed Mod-Podge on top. I so love Mod-Podge because of the cute label on the jar:
My phone's really bad at close-ups, but for now, here's what it looks like now:
I hung it in the kitchen and I'm pretty happy with it. I really love it, actually. Hopefully I'll keep posting pictures of the projects I work on.
I painted the hands with gold metallic paint, covered the face with magazine pictures, (that's the part that took years, because I only choose pictures that I'm really in love with!) and brushed Mod-Podge on top. I so love Mod-Podge because of the cute label on the jar:
My phone's really bad at close-ups, but for now, here's what it looks like now:
I hung it in the kitchen and I'm pretty happy with it. I really love it, actually. Hopefully I'll keep posting pictures of the projects I work on.
01 October 2011
Under the Influence
Yesterday I had some great finds at Treasure City Thrift. I'll tell you all about what I got, but this post is about something else: one of my treasures was a $4 pair of jeans made by a brand exclusively (as they say) for Barneys. They're beautiful, amazing jeans and they fit me just about like all my other non-maternity pants fit me: close-enough/I-don't-wanna-think-about-it. They're my usual size though, so it'll probably work out. But buying something with Barneys New York in the tag made me suddenly aware that I have a bit of a history with that store, or at least a funny, one-sided relationship.
All stores want you to feel a certain way when you walk though them. Stores like Urban Outfitters and Free People set a cool, rebellious, youthful mood. Anthropologie is young but more nostalgic. Places like Dillards and Steinmart try to make you feel sufficiently rich and lovely at the same time as practical and like you're going to get a good deal. Then there are stores like Nordstrom, Saks, and Neimans that go for rich, pampered and able to afford it. (whether you really can or not doesn't matter.)
Some of the higher-end stores tend to make me feel inadequate (at least money-wise) or fat, or like maybe I shouldn't have worn what I'm wearing, or just plain sad that I can't afford anything in them. They make me feel wishful about life, but in an "I'll-never-be-that-skinny-and-rich" way, not in a fun way. Not all stores do that to me, and I'm sure I shouldn't give any of them that power, but succumbing to marketing strategies is something of a twisted hobby I have. It's fun. But Barneys is a little different.
Don't get me wrong, they're still that kind of store. In Dallas at the mall, I used to walk through Barneys all the time on my way to less astronomically expensive places, and not a single salesperson ever even spoke to me! Of course, that's Dallas anyway, but in the equally snobby Neimans or Saks, even on a bad hair and clothing day somebody will talk to me.
When I walk through Barney's though, I suddenly realize that I am feeling the way all the other fancy department stores are attempting to make me feel when I walk through them. But the others don't quite do it. Maybe it's the chic, modern yet over-the-top chandeliers in Barneys, although other stores have those. Maybe it's the fact that Barneys is a smaller store, where I am physically closer to the merchandise- to the feel and color of the fabrics and the smell of the leather and perfumes. Maybe it's the fact that there is a lavish, sweeping staircase instead of an escalator, or that they have a much smaller beauty department because they're more selective about the brands. There are wonderful lounge corners with interesting chaise lounges and love seats. The over-sized velvet chairs at the bottom of the staircase always haunt me, attached somehow like Siamese twins, and remind me of some daring, haute couture Alice in Wonderland.
The whole store strikes the perfect balance between being seriously, snobbishly rich and letting you almost forget that you're not. It makes me wishful about life in the most fun, inspiring way possible. In Barneys I remember what I routinely forget in other high-end stores: that good taste and an imagination matter a lot more than having and spending lots of money. So in a way, I already have what they sell. Not so much that I don't enjoy dreaming of $80 eye shadow or an extra $1300.00 to buy that lovely-smelling leather train case. But I am inspired, excited, content to smell the leather, touch the silk and go home with new ideas, thrilled to have seen so many beautiful and luxurious things all together in one place.
All stores want you to feel a certain way when you walk though them. Stores like Urban Outfitters and Free People set a cool, rebellious, youthful mood. Anthropologie is young but more nostalgic. Places like Dillards and Steinmart try to make you feel sufficiently rich and lovely at the same time as practical and like you're going to get a good deal. Then there are stores like Nordstrom, Saks, and Neimans that go for rich, pampered and able to afford it. (whether you really can or not doesn't matter.)
Some of the higher-end stores tend to make me feel inadequate (at least money-wise) or fat, or like maybe I shouldn't have worn what I'm wearing, or just plain sad that I can't afford anything in them. They make me feel wishful about life, but in an "I'll-never-be-that-skinny-and-rich" way, not in a fun way. Not all stores do that to me, and I'm sure I shouldn't give any of them that power, but succumbing to marketing strategies is something of a twisted hobby I have. It's fun. But Barneys is a little different.
Don't get me wrong, they're still that kind of store. In Dallas at the mall, I used to walk through Barneys all the time on my way to less astronomically expensive places, and not a single salesperson ever even spoke to me! Of course, that's Dallas anyway, but in the equally snobby Neimans or Saks, even on a bad hair and clothing day somebody will talk to me.
When I walk through Barney's though, I suddenly realize that I am feeling the way all the other fancy department stores are attempting to make me feel when I walk through them. But the others don't quite do it. Maybe it's the chic, modern yet over-the-top chandeliers in Barneys, although other stores have those. Maybe it's the fact that Barneys is a smaller store, where I am physically closer to the merchandise- to the feel and color of the fabrics and the smell of the leather and perfumes. Maybe it's the fact that there is a lavish, sweeping staircase instead of an escalator, or that they have a much smaller beauty department because they're more selective about the brands. There are wonderful lounge corners with interesting chaise lounges and love seats. The over-sized velvet chairs at the bottom of the staircase always haunt me, attached somehow like Siamese twins, and remind me of some daring, haute couture Alice in Wonderland.
The whole store strikes the perfect balance between being seriously, snobbishly rich and letting you almost forget that you're not. It makes me wishful about life in the most fun, inspiring way possible. In Barneys I remember what I routinely forget in other high-end stores: that good taste and an imagination matter a lot more than having and spending lots of money. So in a way, I already have what they sell. Not so much that I don't enjoy dreaming of $80 eye shadow or an extra $1300.00 to buy that lovely-smelling leather train case. But I am inspired, excited, content to smell the leather, touch the silk and go home with new ideas, thrilled to have seen so many beautiful and luxurious things all together in one place.
28 September 2011
September
Our birthing class started, I had a wonderful baby shower, found a lot of baby furniture by stalking craigslist 24/7, and joined a small book/Bible study. Steve started p90x and a men's group at church that meets at 6:30 AM! (ouch!!)
All that is great, and the baby continues to be fine, but I've been really tired and overwhelmed. I'm already at home all the time, but pressuring myself to accomplish a lot, so much that I've started to freak out again whenever anyone wants me to eat lunch with them, meet for coffee or be their friend. (Does anyone else understand this, by the way? It seems like so many other people have plenty of room and energy in their lives for lunches and new friends, and here I am, a stay-at-home wife, and I hyperventilate if someone asks me to coffee.) Anyway...
So, Steve suggested I take a day off of sorts. Just hearing him suggest a no-pressure, order-a-pizza-for-lunch, paint-your-nails and watch-too-much-Mad-Men kind of day really felt good. (He really suggested all that!) I even bought paintnolish for the occasion:
Don't judge me, they were buy one get one free. (which is good, cause Butter of London is usually like $14 a bottle! It lasted really well though and I've been wanting some forever!)
My day off was a week ago and now I've started sleeping way better. Sometimes I even wake up in the morning to say goodbye to Steve and then find myself waking up again around lunchtime! Still have a big list to do, but now I feel like I can actually do it.
So... I can never tell if these sort of updates are too boring for blogs or not. I have a hunch they are. But I will say that I am about to post pictures of a bunch of stuff I've been doing, so maybe that will make up for this.
All that is great, and the baby continues to be fine, but I've been really tired and overwhelmed. I'm already at home all the time, but pressuring myself to accomplish a lot, so much that I've started to freak out again whenever anyone wants me to eat lunch with them, meet for coffee or be their friend. (Does anyone else understand this, by the way? It seems like so many other people have plenty of room and energy in their lives for lunches and new friends, and here I am, a stay-at-home wife, and I hyperventilate if someone asks me to coffee.) Anyway...
So, Steve suggested I take a day off of sorts. Just hearing him suggest a no-pressure, order-a-pizza-for-lunch, paint-your-nails and watch-too-much-Mad-Men kind of day really felt good. (He really suggested all that!) I even bought paintnolish for the occasion:
Don't judge me, they were buy one get one free. (which is good, cause Butter of London is usually like $14 a bottle! It lasted really well though and I've been wanting some forever!)
My day off was a week ago and now I've started sleeping way better. Sometimes I even wake up in the morning to say goodbye to Steve and then find myself waking up again around lunchtime! Still have a big list to do, but now I feel like I can actually do it.
So... I can never tell if these sort of updates are too boring for blogs or not. I have a hunch they are. But I will say that I am about to post pictures of a bunch of stuff I've been doing, so maybe that will make up for this.
02 September 2011
baby's room
I walked to Urban Outfitters from our hotel in San Diego and got this to hang on the wall in the baby's room! I love it so much! Here's a tiny picture. You have to go to the link to really see it...
Steve thinks it's mildly creepy, but understands why I like it. I think he just can't imagine it all together with the other things that will be in there, and it would be sort of creepy if it were the only decoration or something. That being said, if that's what Steve thinks, then I can only imagine the invective it will invite from people we know who have less imagination than he does. Some of my nursery ideas bring out that reaction, it seems.
Anyway, I'm in love with it and it makes me so happy! I'll probably hang it over the piano, since that's going to be a part of his room for a while.
Steve thinks it's mildly creepy, but understands why I like it. I think he just can't imagine it all together with the other things that will be in there, and it would be sort of creepy if it were the only decoration or something. That being said, if that's what Steve thinks, then I can only imagine the invective it will invite from people we know who have less imagination than he does. Some of my nursery ideas bring out that reaction, it seems.
Anyway, I'm in love with it and it makes me so happy! I'll probably hang it over the piano, since that's going to be a part of his room for a while.
Am I not normal?
Steve and I had a great time in San Diego this week! It was about 35 to 40 degrees cooler than our typical weather in Austin, and we simply ATE UP being able to go outside!! (I also ate a bunch of lobster every day, and chocolate chip pancakes.)
Anyway, I finally checked my email this afternoon after a week of not being able to, and I read the most horrifying, stupid email ever from the preggers club thingy I'm part of. It's a club of sorts for people in the same stage of pregnancy as you, so you can go online and see what questions everyone has, etc. It's a great way to get help and advice and know what's normal, but this last email was kind of freakish. It was entitled "12 Things You Miss While You're Pregnant." Here are some of the things people said they missed:
Wine
Sushi
Deli meat
Unpasteurized cheeses
Cookie dough
Eggs under easy (EEWW!)
Coffee
Aside from the fact that I will NEVER eat an egg that is not cooked to the consistency of concrete, I've consumed ALL of the things on this list in the last 24 hours! Except the cookie dough, that's been almost a week ago. But there's still some in my fridge! Well, and I've mostly only eaten cooked sushi.
We went to a 5-star restaurant last night and I had a glass of red wine with dinner. We ate lunch yesterday at a fabulously darling gourmet sandwich place in La Jolla and, you guessed it, I had a sandwich! And mac & cheese, and strawberry rhubarb pie.
I drank a latte this morning with my chocolate chip pancakes. It wasn't huge, but it wasn't decaf either. And as far as unpasteurized cheeses, well, I eat those every time I go by the cheese sample place in the grocery store. In fact, I've come to not believe in pasteurized dairy products of any sort anymore, but that's a post for another day.
Anyway, what the heck?! All of these testimonials of what people aren't eating during pregnancy should totally freak me out, and they do a little, but to be honest, I think I'm fine. I make a conscious decision before eating anything I eat, which I always did anyway, and, well, I'm okay with that. But I'm sort of freaked out that I'm not freaked out. Maybe I should write this on the message board, although I would hate to see what all those people would tell me is going to happen to my baby.
Anyway, I finally checked my email this afternoon after a week of not being able to, and I read the most horrifying, stupid email ever from the preggers club thingy I'm part of. It's a club of sorts for people in the same stage of pregnancy as you, so you can go online and see what questions everyone has, etc. It's a great way to get help and advice and know what's normal, but this last email was kind of freakish. It was entitled "12 Things You Miss While You're Pregnant." Here are some of the things people said they missed:
Wine
Sushi
Deli meat
Unpasteurized cheeses
Cookie dough
Eggs under easy (EEWW!)
Coffee
Aside from the fact that I will NEVER eat an egg that is not cooked to the consistency of concrete, I've consumed ALL of the things on this list in the last 24 hours! Except the cookie dough, that's been almost a week ago. But there's still some in my fridge! Well, and I've mostly only eaten cooked sushi.
We went to a 5-star restaurant last night and I had a glass of red wine with dinner. We ate lunch yesterday at a fabulously darling gourmet sandwich place in La Jolla and, you guessed it, I had a sandwich! And mac & cheese, and strawberry rhubarb pie.
I drank a latte this morning with my chocolate chip pancakes. It wasn't huge, but it wasn't decaf either. And as far as unpasteurized cheeses, well, I eat those every time I go by the cheese sample place in the grocery store. In fact, I've come to not believe in pasteurized dairy products of any sort anymore, but that's a post for another day.
Anyway, what the heck?! All of these testimonials of what people aren't eating during pregnancy should totally freak me out, and they do a little, but to be honest, I think I'm fine. I make a conscious decision before eating anything I eat, which I always did anyway, and, well, I'm okay with that. But I'm sort of freaked out that I'm not freaked out. Maybe I should write this on the message board, although I would hate to see what all those people would tell me is going to happen to my baby.
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